Of all the stupidest things I've done (dogdammit)
Warning; navel-gazing and please-give-me-some-love post (I know, again!) coming up
Instead of (pr maybe in addition to) the two very nice awards I got while I was away (thank you both!), I made it perfectly clear today that I deserve the WTF-were-you-thinking?!-award" with some extra ribbons on it if such exists. Because who the hell thinks it's a good idea to get behind the wheel and drive 50 km on the free way after being awake for more or less 24 hours?
Apparently I did. I don't any more. 'Cause I almost killed my car falling asleep behind the wheel. Yes, indeed I did, how stupid do you think I feel right now? Miss Xantia is in a deep troubled engine-won't-start coma and a messed up face and a wrecked right side. I know, it's just a thing, but I kind of liked her. I had plans for keeping her till at least 350 000 km and we didn't even get to 190k km.
I was lucky not getting hit by other cars so I didn't kill myself or anyone else as I bounced into the fences four or five times from side to side before finally stopping. I vaguely remember an adrenalin rush while thinking "This would actually have been pretty fun if it a) wasn't my car and b) happened in an enclosed area especially designed for these activities". Unfortunately none of those ifs were true.
So I'm not very proud of myself right now, reflecting over the possibility that I could have made my daughter motherless, my parents daughterless my brother sisterless and hgd hggless &c &c (you get the point). And killed a bunch of other people a the same time if unlucky.
I have a PhD* for phuck's sakes, I should know better, shouldn't I?
*subject: not road safety
Oh thank goodness you were not hurt! I hit a deer last year (it ran up along the passenger side, swerved directly into my hood, bounced off, and loped away), and it was one of the scarier things I've ever experienced. I had visions of antlers crashing through the windshield (it was a male), but fortunately, the only damage was to the front panels of the car. Certainly was sad to see the damage, though! I have much sympathy for you and Miss Xantia.
ReplyDeleteOh my God, HGG, I'm so sorry! Are you okay, physically speaking?
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you are safe, even if the car got bruised up. And yes, driving on no sleep is never a good idea, but we all make mistakes now and then, and it's over, and you're not going to do it again, so don't beat yourself up too much.
I am just glad that you are okay.
CT; funny how animals and cars can come out of nowhere and just jump at you. I always thought that even if I cannot trust what others are doing, at least I can trust myself. Not today though. merde.
ReplyDeleteardous, thanks, I'm all fine. I bit sore upper back, but that could just as well be from the flights and heavy backpack. I was damn lucky that's what.
ReplyDeleteI know it's done and I can't undo it, but it's terribly embarrassing to make such a mess.
And my car...:-(
But I do promise to get my head out of my ass pretty soon
I'm glad that you're ok! I think that Ruchi is right. We all make mistakes. As my dad used to say: Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing. In this case, especially, I think that's true.
ReplyDeleteAmanda; you - and your dad - are right and will take the whole thing as a lesson and not do it again.
ReplyDeleteWe all push ourselves too hard, counting on all the times in the past that it's worked out OK. I'm so glad you weren't hurt and very sorry about your car (I've totaled 2 - wept over both of them). Take care and don't drive yourself crazy over what could have been.
ReplyDeleteOh! Good thing you are okay! And yeah, the getting the shit scared out of you like you just had is enough to keep you from making that mistake again, so don't punish yourself more.
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm glad you're safe. I think many of us would do the same thing (or at least would have before reading this).
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your car.
post-doc; I has certainly crossed my mind lately that I need to simplify my life a bit, but it's hard when you're used to going full speed: Not necessarily literally in a car; I did keep the speed limit. Thus time.
ReplyDeleteEGF; I'll try to just wait for the police to decide whether or not they think I should have some punishment for recklessness while driving.
ReplyDeletePsych Post Doc; thanks for delurking; you're added to my Reader!
ReplyDeleteDon't try falling asleep while driving; it can end badly (do what I say, not what I do ;-).
You watch that back, OK? Sometimes it starts hurting later, so take it easy and get some good rest. The main thing is no human got injured.
ReplyDeleteI once had a tiny wee crash with another car and I felt SO bad about it... I empathise.
Like the others I am also glad that nothing superbad happened to you!!
ReplyDeleteAnd if it makes you feel better: I have done the same thing once, driving through the Alps no less ... But then, there was two of us (both extremely tired), so at least we could switch now and then, and have two pairs of sleepy eyes on the road.
But it made me realize I should not do that again ...
stepwise girl; I will keep an eye on it for sure!
ReplyDeleteNina; being two is always better, I'm pretty sure that if I'd not been alone it wouldn't have happened
Wow - I'm glad you're OK. I've almost fallen asleep at the wheel before - it's incredibly easy to go from "I'm fine" to "oh shit" in a matter of seconds. In my case I realised and pulled over, but a second or two either way and I would have been asleep.
ReplyDeleteScary -- I'm glad to hear you're okay!
ReplyDeletehappy that it wasn't worse!
ReplyDeleteI can see that it is easy to happen, stress and all but hopefully you won't do it again?! And really, that is all there is to it. don't do again and hopefully no things in the back and or neck.
(and I don't think the police will do anything to you - I hope. Usually if you are alone on the road and your car is gone they will think that is enough punishment - if you weren't intoxicated whicih you probably wasn't. End of problem.) take care!!
my gosh- I am so glad you are ok!
ReplyDeleteAlbatross; so am I!
ReplyDeleteI stop reading blogs for a while, and the next thing I know, people are playing smash-up...
ReplyDeleteWow! Glad you're okay!
Hey, welcome back!
ReplyDeleteYeah, that stunt was totally unnecessary